We've been radical unschoolers now for about 3 weeks. That is three weeks since a conversation on a longstanding Radical Unschooling Yahoo group taught me that I had gotten it all wrong, and now I had the chance to start getting it right.
I used to think Radical Unschooling was all about there being no rules—no bedtimes, no TV limits, no restrictions,on junk food, and "say Yes to everything". I tried that, twice actually, and let's just say it was a grand disaster. And it was back to so-called "reality" we went, with dragging the kids to circle time, and painful daily Waldorf lessons, making all of us miserable and combative.
But all that changed when I started to get it in a completely new way: Radical Unschooling is first and foremost about connection! And joy! Joyfully connecting with my kids, every moment of every day. Trying to bring them joy, thinking of what little treat I could bring them or kindness I could show them to bring more joy to the moment.
This has been absolutely transformative to our lives and our relationships. My daughter used to be very defended, and fairly often physically aggressive with me and her younger brother. Since shifting my focus off of what "needs to get done" and "how she should be" I have seen a huge change in her. She is now so sweet, so open, so cuddly, funny and fun. I no longer have that dread in my heart that I used to get around her, just feeling worried that I would "have to" try to change her in some way in our next interaction. That had been exhausting. What a beautiful relief to drop all agendas except this: Joy.
So here we are! It is exhilarating! It is terrifying! Not everyone gets this life, I know, and that is hard. On the other hand, I have seen HUGE leaps in the kids' moral understanding and self-knowledge in this past three weeks, which gives me courage to continue on.
I'm recording their learning in a journal, so I will have a good answer whenever someone asks what I am teaching them in our lessons. I can simply switch the focus from teaching to learning. And they are learning a ton.
